Are men really from Mars and women from Venus? Yep! Our brains are not the same which means we process, feel, perceive and communicate quite differently. In terms of the biology, men’s brains are larger than women’s, but women’s brains have more firing between the two hemispheres. What this actually means is that there’s more going on in a woman’s brain. When a guy says he’s not thinking about anything it’s true girls. Even though this is almost an impossibility for most females – for me and countless other women I’ve spoken with.
So listen up guys. And girls too! You might learn some things here to help you if you are thinking about marriage or want to understand women. This stuff my husband and I had no idea about when we walk down that romantic aisle, and it took us a long time before we knew and accepted some things as being true for most people and particularly for us.
I suggest we all need to learn some basics to improve the potential for a happy marriage because success is not guaranteed. Romantic love is unfortunately not enough to sustain the ups and downs of the marriage partnership over time. It is important for us all to get some help right from the beginning, even better before embarking on marriage. Read books, get coaching, get educated in the opposite sex and marriage. There’s plenty of resources out there if you know where to look. I will be covering much of this and more in the Happy Husbands online group coaching beginning very soon and running for consecutive weeks. It is now open for unmarried men: those engaged or wanna-be’s as well. Register your interest quickly before places are closed. You will receive an info sheet with pricing delivered to your inbox. I will then contact you.
Right now thought, let me fill you in on some of the basics to get you started.
The first thing to understand is that we are not fighting each other in any relationship. Particularly in one made up of two such diverse natures of male and female. Craig Hill founder of a worldwide marriage ministry organisation suggests that what’s happening in marriage is like an analogy of a movie depicting the American Civil War, where an independent arms dealer fired the first shot and then the two opposing sides retaliated. It was a third party causing the problems just like in troublesome relationships and marriages. We have an enemy that desires to undo the very fibre of society—marriage. When we understand this it makes a big difference to stop the blame game.
Another point Craig Hill makes is that any relationship is built on communication and there are two types – topical and relational. Topical communication is everyday discussions whereas relational is what is happening underneath depending on such things as our family of origin; emotions; love languages and any number of other differences in our make-up including the male-female brain polarities.
Then there’s the love and respect angle as discussed in Ephesians 5 of the Bible. Men are to love their wives and women to respect their husbands. Sound like a piece of cake, right? It plays a big part in filling the emotional love tanks of both male and female but generally these are misunderstood by the other gender. Guys you need to feel respected and admired loved in the way you care for your loved ones. However, women do not need this type of love.
Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have researched the difference between men and women in marriage and published several books on the subject. Just for the men, here is a quick summary of what they suggest a woman needs to feel loved.
She needs plenty of hugs to reassure her; to be seen and told she’s beautiful; to be listened and really heard without fixing and to understand that she can’t shut down her emotions. The reason for this is that because a woman’s brain has so much firing and wiring happening between the hemispheres, so that talking helps her to process. This compares to the male brain which can compartmentalises and move on. Simply understanding this difference can go a long way in helping a troublesome marriage.
Security for the family is also big for her but it can backfire if her husband’s efforts to provide include working long hours as she would see this as prioritising work over her and this can be a big problem for many couples. She needs time which includes closeness, romance and acknowledgement as well as parental involvement. Even if he is unable to work during this difficult covid19 period, his efforts to provide by looking for work will help her feel secure.
Guys I know that most of this does not come naturally so you do have to work at it.
My suggestion, as a wife of some 36 years? Get some help and give it your best. Don’t give up if it seems impossible. Your hard work now will pay dividends in many ways (wink, wink) once your lady sees your determination to improve things.
I hope to see you at Happy Husbands,
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