From Rusty to Robust - Doing Marriage Better
- Peta Soorkia
- Nov 7
- 4 min read
Marriage can feel like a rusty old tool sometimes—worn down by time, stress, and misunderstandings. Yet, it can also become a strong, reliable partnership that grows deeper and more meaningful. Doing marriage better means moving from that worn-out place to one of strength and joy. For couples who want to build their marriage on a Christian foundation, this journey involves practical steps rooted in faith, love, and commitment.
Marriage is not just a contract or a social arrangement. It is a sacred covenant designed to reflect God’s love and grace. When couples understand this, they can approach their relationship with a new perspective that transforms challenges into opportunities for growth.
Understanding Marriage as a Covenant
Marriage in the Christian view is more than a legal agreement. It is a covenant, a solemn promise before God and each other. This means the commitment goes beyond feelings or convenience. It calls for faithfulness, forgiveness, and sacrifice.
Faithfulness means staying loyal even when things get tough.
Forgiveness allows couples to move past mistakes without holding grudges.
Sacrifice involves putting your spouse’s needs alongside or sometimes above your own.
This covenant mindset helps couples see their marriage as a lifelong journey, not a temporary arrangement. It encourages patience and perseverance.
Building Communication That Connects
One of the biggest reasons marriages struggle is poor communication. Couples often talk past each other or avoid difficult conversations. Doing marriage better means learning to communicate in ways that build connection and understanding.
Here are some practical tips:
Listen actively: Focus fully on your spouse when they speak. Avoid interrupting or planning your response while they talk.
Speak honestly but kindly: Share your feelings and needs without blaming or criticizing. Use “I” statements like “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”
Check for understanding: Repeat back what you heard to make sure you understood correctly.
Schedule regular talks: Set aside time to discuss your relationship, dreams, and concerns without distractions.
These habits create a safe space where both partners feel heard and valued.
Practicing Grace and Forgiveness Daily
No marriage is perfect. Conflicts and mistakes happen. What makes a marriage better is how couples handle these moments. The Bible teaches forgiveness as a key to healthy relationships.
Forgiveness does not mean ignoring hurt or pretending problems don’t exist. It means choosing to release resentment and bitterness. This frees both partners to heal and move forward.
Try these steps:
Acknowledge the hurt honestly.
Express your feelings calmly.
Choose to forgive even if the other person does not immediately change.
Pray together for healing and strength.
Over time, practicing forgiveness builds a deep well of grace that sustains the marriage.
Growing Together in Faith
A shared faith can be a powerful glue in marriage. Couples who pray, worship, and study the Bible together often report stronger bonds and clearer purpose.
Faith helps couples:
Keep their focus on God’s design for marriage.
Find comfort and guidance during hard times.
Celebrate joys with gratitude.
Serve others as a team, which strengthens their partnership.
Consider simple ways to grow spiritually as a couple:
Pray together daily, even if just for a few minutes.
Attend church regularly and participate in small groups.
Read a devotional or Bible passage together.
Discuss how your faith shapes your marriage goals.
These practices invite God’s presence into your relationship and deepen your connection.
Prioritizing Time and Intimacy
Busy schedules and distractions can cause couples to drift apart. Doing marriage better means intentionally making time for each other and nurturing intimacy.
This includes:
Scheduling regular date nights or quiet time together.
Sharing hobbies or activities you both enjoy.
Expressing affection through words, touch, and acts of kindness.
Being open about your emotional and physical needs.
Intimacy is not just physical; it is emotional and spiritual closeness. When couples invest in these areas, their marriage becomes more vibrant and fulfilling.
Serving Each Other with Humility
Marriage thrives when both partners serve each other with a humble heart. Jesus taught that greatness comes through serving others. Applying this to marriage means looking for ways to support and bless your spouse daily.
Examples include:
Helping with chores without being asked.
Encouraging your spouse’s dreams and goals.
Listening patiently when they need to talk.
Praying for them regularly.
Small acts of service show love in practical ways and build trust and appreciation.
Facing Challenges Together
Every marriage faces challenges such as financial stress, parenting struggles, or health issues. Doing marriage better means facing these challenges as a united team.
Tips for teamwork:
Discuss problems openly and honestly.
Avoid blaming or withdrawing.
Seek solutions together.
Ask for help from trusted mentors, counselors, or church leaders if needed.
Remember that challenges can strengthen your marriage if you work through them with love and faith.
Leaving a Legacy of Love
A strong Christian marriage not only blesses the couple but also impacts families, communities, and future generations. By doing marriage better, couples leave a legacy of love, faith, and commitment.
This legacy includes:
Modeling healthy relationships for children and others.
Building a home where God’s love is evident.
Supporting others in their marriages.
Living out Christian values in daily life.
Your marriage can be a beacon of hope and encouragement to many.
Marriage does not have to remain rusty or worn out. By embracing the Christian view of marriage as a covenant, improving communication, practicing forgiveness, growing in faith, prioritizing time together, serving each other,
and facing challenges as a team, couples can build a strong and joyful partnership. I gave a presentation to Mens Shed in Brisbane on this topic. Here is the PPT for those who attended.
God bless,
Peta
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