Updated: Aug 10, 2021
At around the 20-year mark in our marriage, we were renovating our house. I was full on at church in my pastoral role, I was still teaching at TAFE and our marriage was suffering. Communication was non-existent, everything seemed to be a mess and out of control, so I felt alone and overwhelmed. A good recipe for burnout.
Some of you might be feeling that way right now. There is a way out. God helped me to find it and I’m still here to tell the story of a happy marriage and a relationship with my husband that only gets better each day. How on earth is this possible? I’ve got some tips that I will roll out in forthcoming blogs over the coming weeks for husbands and wives. Tune in on to my radio interview on this very topic, if you want to hear more.*
The Bible talks about marriage:
‘… let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.’ Ephesians 5:33 NKJV
I have found that often a husband struggles with loving their wife as she needs and the wife struggles with respecting her husband as he needs. I do know God wants us both to grow and develop. Somehow, or so it seems, God orchestrates us to be married to someone who is our complete opposite in every way.
If your marriage is a mess at this point in time, what would you do to make your marriage turn into a marvellous miracle? Here are just a couple of tips now as I begin to roll more out in my next blogs:
Wife Tip # 1 for a Marvellous Marriage—you’ve got look after yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll die trying to please everybody else. So start by putting some good safe boundaries in plus do something every day, just for you. This might include things such as exercise, a facial, a chat with a friend, a 10-minute coffee break or reading your favourite novel but make it something you enjoy. Whatever it is, you deserve it, you’re worth it, so go do it. The other part of this tip is to do something kind, loving or generous for your husband. It might be small, like giving them a hug or making him a cup of coffee or cooking his favourite meal. Whatever it is, make sure it is something extra or unusual to what you usually do so he will notice and be blessed.
Wife Tip # 2 for a Marvellous Marriage—respecting your husband will win him every time. Our problem girls is that we don’t really understand our husband’s view of respect. It means rather than arguing with his point of view, asking him to explain it then responding when you get it. It means singing his praises rather than showing him up in front of others. It means thanking him for even the smallest acts that he offers to do. And it means telling him he’s the best husband for you. For yourself; remind yourself of the great things he’s done in the past, why you married him and any other positives you can think of.
Husband Tip # 1 for a Marvellous Marriage—It’s time to listen up and live! Communication is very big with us girls – we put a lot of emphasis on this with our girlfriends, our kids and we desire it above all from our husbands. Think about what your wife is saying to you, give her eye contact as you listen, then give her some sensible feedback such as I hear what you’re saying about... This will give you a lot of brownie points. And for yourself, give yourself some time out in the shed, reading a newspaper, going for that jog or calling that mate that is fun to be around. This way you are giving to your wife and yourself.
Husband Tip # 2 for a Marvellous Marriage—your wife loves romance so I call this ‘Romancing Rome’ – it’s not built in a day. You can do a little bit often: as you walk past her give her a kiss on the cheek, tell her truthfully when something about her appearance looks great. Ask her out on a date, bring her flowers or chocolates or send her a text telling her you love her. For yourself, remind yourself of her attributes and why you fell in love with her, this will bless you and as a result your attitude will bless her and have a lasting impact on your relationship.
The strength of the marriage partnership impacts the whole family and the way the children will relate to their friends, their teachers and of course other family members. Your reactions towards your spouse even impacts your grandchildren long-term and how their families will relate and interact with each other. You can actually change the world by how you treat your spouse. So, why not start today?
Let me challenge you husbands and wives to do one of these each day for yourself and your spouse and see the word marvellous begin to describe your marriage.
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