Forgiving Yourself Series
Recently, I was thinking about guilt and how it stems from a root of unforgiveness of oneself. I was thinking about that in relation to myself – deciding that I’m okay. But do you know how God rings a little gentle alarm bell? Have you heard it at times too? Mmmm! I realised I did have an issue.
Around 30 years ago I accidentally did something to my body (won’t go there folks– gruesome and don’t want you to leave before you’ve heard me!) This could have caused me a problem, or so I thought. However, all was okay but I felt so guilty as it could have affected my fertility. We had been trying for 1½ years to have a second child, to no avail. After the physical issue was resolved, I got pregnant quickly but I had been so full of worry and guilt that I had developed IBS. Extreme stress shuts down the parasympathetic nervous system which is not a good thing because its function is to keep the body in equilibrium or homeostasis or in peace. Because I had been so stressed out with an overload of adrenaline, my body was in overdrive so now that I was pregnant, the pain from the IBS worsened as the baby grew. I wanted this baby out of my body! Unfortunately, what I now know is that my psychological and physical stress had created DNA in me and was passed onto our son in utero. And me wanting him out was also not good for him. This can set up rejection even in the womb. My poor son! And that’s how guilt and unforgiveness of self can creep into our lives. From our own unforgiveness or what’s been passed on physically or spiritually. I wonder what your story is with guilt.
We are told to love the Lord your God with all our heart, soul, mind, strength and to secondly love our neighbour as ourselves. (see Mark 12:31). This includes loving and forgiving oneself dear mum.
Back to my story. We had a beautiful boy who was an easy baby until around 12 months when he developed a very difficult to manage infantile IBS, which we all struggled with, as it affected his moods. This lasted until he was nine years old when he was miraculously healed by the Lord. It was a long and arduous journey and his teen years weren’t easy for him or us. But God uses everything for good and our young man of nearly 29 is a wonderful godly, funny and successful person that we are so very proud of.
So for you my lovely mum, Romans 8:1 tells us that there is no condemnation if we are in Christ Jesus, if wedo not walk according to the flesh but by the spirit. If you feel guilty, it’s time to forgive yourself because God does when you ask Him.
However, I wonder if some of your guilt-ridden thoughts go like this:
‘I’m a terrible mum.’ Who says? God doesn’t!
‘But I could have, should have done better!’ You did what you could.
‘I should’ve known.’ You didn’t.
‘Where was God?’ He was with you all the time.
‘Why didn’t someone help me?’ Maybe they did as much as they could.
Stop it! This rumination is killing you.
Let those thoughts go Mum. Like me, you did your best at that time with the knowledge that you had. It’s pretty much time to cast your cares (1 Peter 5:7) Mum, every time you have those guilty and unforgiving thoughts. Cast them from your mind, again and again until your brain catches up to the truth. (Be patient, hey?)
I want to encourage you. I’m sure your heart was pure with whatever you felt was unforgivable.
But right now, it's time to forgive yourself. Let go.
And release it because God has!
Love Peta XO
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